We were at the carpet laying stage…

The new bathroom is lovely. The new bedroom, same. I’d had my Carrie moment. My Mr Big had built my new wardrobe (shame there were only worn jeans and Converse sneakers to put in it…. And I don’t recall Carrie being involved with hauling the very heavy flat-pack boxes up the stairs… but no matter).

The house and I had almost put our bad relationship behind us. We were all set for that brand new start.

And then. Then. It goes and lets me down AGAIN!!

We were about to lay the sitting room to rest, finally. It was all plastered and painted, complete with the new boxed in cupboards and skirting boards. The paint, by the way, on one wall is an amazing blue. Almost exactly the colour of both my husband’s and daughter’s astonishingly blue eyes.

Anyway, the carpet, no to be precise, sisal man arrived. He looked at the wooden floorboards, which are messy and un-sandable, then, to my horror, he took out a chisel, bent down, gouged out a piece of floorboard here and there, shook his head and declared he couldn’t possibly put down anything here because this whole floor was rotten and infested with woodworm and would have to be sorted out first.

Then he left. Before my mouth could close again.

Never heard from him since. What he’s done with the 25 square metres of sisal is anyone’s guess.

Since then… we’ve had countless joiners etc in and out ummmming, ahing, scratching their heads.

The one we booked arrived today, removed about four square metres of floorboards from the sitting room and the hall and declared it was all hopeless, he really felt for us and he couldn’t do this, he would have to go now. Leaving the four metre square hole by the way!

I actually had to sit down and laugh at that point.

I mean that is a first. In all the work we’ve had done. No one yet has come in, started, then packed up in horror and run away. That is truly a first. Luckily, my mother had been to visit and there was a substantial amount of homemade chocolate cake in the fridge. Otherwise, I really might have cracked up.

I can seriously recommend refrigerated chocolate cake as lunch on a bad day. There must be a lot of bankers chomping through it at the moment. I mean, what is going on there guys?! My mortgage company is just about to be ‘rescued’ by Lloyds. The bank I have my businesses account with is teetering… it really is very scary.